Refuse To Sink


Yeah, you left
and I was broken
but I was okay with it
even months after you
said goodbye.

I started talking to
someone else and
goddamn,
he made me smile
and laugh
when all I wanted to do
was curl up
in my bed
and listen to sad songs
and stare at pictures of you.

He was great
and I even liked him,
enough to make me
forget about you for a while.

But he ended up
hurting me too.

But you want to know
what’s really fucked up
about all of this?
When he hurt me,
it was you I was
thinking about.

I wasn’t thinking about
what he said
when he was high
or how he treated me
when he was having a bad day.

I was thinking of you
and how you’d
ignore my texts those
Thursday nights.

I was thinking of
how you didn’t think
that maybe you
not talking to me
for two weeks was
killing me in every way possible
and I’d go home
crying every time
you didn’t even
send me a glance.

I was thinking of your hands
and how I’ll never be able
to hold them ever again.

I was fucking thinking
of how you hurt me.

I just don’t
understand why…

When are you
going to leave?

When?

I lose you everyday (via itzonlyyoubabe)

oh my god

(via makemefeelsafe)

Source: itzonlyyoubabe


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It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back she was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.

— It’s not that I don’t love you.  (via extrasad)

Source: extrasad

Source: oh-my-hell

oldrockstars:

becoming older than 10 years old was the biggest mistake of my life

Source: oldrockstars

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

Cheryl Strayed

Everything you love is here

(via lovequotesrus)

Source: quotes-shape-us